I can’t think of a more distasteful task than listening to my answering machine message. There’s the shock of an alien voice even I strain to understand, followed by the dawning realization this is how I sound to friend and foe. Thankfully, this chore is only required when I tape a new message or forget my phone number and conduct reconnaissance in the form of a confirmatory call.
Recording my message is a disheartening comedy of errors. Accessing my inner thesaurus, I play out a maddening search for “perfect” words that don’t exist in a limited field of vocalization, discarding phrases faster that you can enunciate Jiminy Cricket…all the while stubbing my finger on the re-record button as I keep giving it “one more try.” By the time my word elimination game concludes, my message is reduced to the barest of bones and I can only hope callers will exercise their logical reasoning.
However, I staunchly refrain from resorting to a pre-recording, refusing to tender my surrender to the “luxury” of digitized speech!
One of the most annoying phenomena on our planet is the automated phone system. Everyone knows the technological turbulence inherent in speech recognition technology. Try navigating voice user interface with a speech issue, where the error rate increases with frustration. CLARITY?…puh-leeze!
Here’s the deal: speech recognition software operates on units called phonemes, the basic audibles of a spoken language…only I tug and gnaw at words that seamlessly flow off most tongues, concocting my own unique sounds that become hopelessly lost in mathematical modeling. Communication deteriorates into a comedic exercise of “stabs in the dark,” muse confounding machine. I never understand how my bank’s system confuses “Agent” with “Balance” though they do share the same number of syllables. To be honest, the person who programmed the system probably wouldn’t understand me let alone a computer-generated interface trying to reconcile its algorithms with my zany sound waves.
Pure speech recognition is the ultimate nightmare as I repeatedly press “0” in stubborn defiance of the lack of a human option. Worse, it deprives me of the opportunity to escalate the call to a “Supervisor” lounging in a remote call center. By this point, I require one seriously advanced piece of intelligence – artificial or real – to decipher my garbled rantings.
As for hands-free computing, my arms may desperately yearn for a rest but I envision Sir iMac erasing the hard drive when I command him to open Microsoft Word!