Recently, I blew up my Universe – shopping for shoes. Formerly a forbidden pleasure, I literally soared to new heights trying on all sorts of heels. Though I must confess, I don’t know how my fellow females bear the discomfort of those pointy toes and stilettos that send me teetering and tottering.
Notwithstanding the daily roller coaster ride presented by my Dystonia, my feet have led a relatively ho hum life, long relegated to the safety of Aerosoles’ “Forgive” model and a sparing assortment of sneakers, plus a few pairs of carefully chosen and largely unexciting boots.
So fancy me, perched on a footstool in DSW surrounded by treasure troves of ladies footwear in an endless variety of heights, shapes, styles, sizes, fabrics and colors – feeling as deliciously decadent as the most luxurious chocolate dessert. Gingerly, I eased my feet into a pair of 3 inch black suede pumps, thinking, like the Little Engine That Could, “I think I can, I think I can,” and, just like that shiny blue engine, I actually could! Suspended in a state of disbelief – and by a pair of magnificent for-me-miraculously-high heels, I strutted across the room, a battery-powered cyborg towering over the profuse displays of ladies shoes surrounding me!
Postscript- Notwithstanding my frivolous purchases, in my world, practicality continues to reign supreme. I wear my new treasures sparingly, storing them safely in their cardboard boxes nestled in crinkly tissue, visiting frequently for a joyful peak.
Posted in Life
Tagged DBS, DBS therapy, Dystonia, Happiness, Health, Heels, Independently mobile, Medical device, Medtronic DBS Therapy, Movement disorder, Neurological disorder, Optimism, Positive thinking, Shoe, Shoes, Shopping
Post DBS, my life has been revolutionized by a startling revelation: Traveling from Point A to Point B is as “effortless” as moving from one foot to the other! I exist in a surreality I never could have imagined. Who would have thought I’d ever be in a position to compare and contrast smooth and twisted gait! Conquering distance has become user-friendly. Has NYC shrunk? This on-the-go rookie well knows the act of walking straight is deceptively simple – even miraculous – and with profound effect. Now that all my ducks are lining up in a row, I attach new meaning to the words “independently mobile.”
I stand before you “Pam 2.0” – action-oriented, driven and efficient – roaring out of the gate to tackle my errands and responsibilities with the vigor of an NFL linebacker. I’d never grasped the smooth side of multi-tasking or the effervescence of living life on the run. Dystonia erected a prison of limitations constraining my every effort…in ways even I didn’t fully appreciate. Sojourns out of my neighborhood loomed daunting. Rain or inclement weather provided a convenient excuse to stay home. For many years, life passed before me in lackluster shades of grey. My involuntary movements and their psychological toll crowded out the innumerable possibilities that lie within arm’s reach when we’re not squandering energy struggling with basic bodily operations. Now I feel free as a bird spreading her wings for the first time.
They say life is about the little things. For me, life is about a wealth of glorious but supremely basic minutiae virtually invisible to most of us…empowering us to enjoy a magical day!
Posted in Life, Uncategorized
Tagged DBS, DBS Programming, DBS therapy, Deep brain stimulation, Dystonia, Gait, Independently mobile, Medtronic DBS Therapy, Mind-over-matter, Movement disorder, Neurological disorder, Neurosurgery, Optimism, Perspective, Positive thinking, Walking
As the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation honors our canine friends this February with their Dogs For Dystonia Virtual Walk, I’m moved to consider all my miniature schnauzer – Ellie – has meant in my life and the invaluable lessons she has taught me.
Bright-eyed and bubbly, loving, loyal and eternally optimistic, Ellie has infused my world with her exhilarating jubilance and unwavering affection. After an eon navigating life as a solo act, Ellie is a beacon of light brightening my days. She’s my steadfast companion virtually everywhere I go and I’ve connected with a cornucopia of maternal instincts that have long simmered beneath the surface yearning for expression. I wholeheartedly embrace my role as Ellie’s momma and find myself reveling in the joys of motherhood.
With the dramatic improvement in my gait post DBS, my energy level has risen closer to – though certainly not matching – Ellie’s and we’ve become partners in crime, exploring the neighborhood and local parks with vigor. Indeed, the changes Ellie has wrought in me are a huge reason why I reached for the brass ring and embarked on my DBS journey. Ellie is my most enthusiastic cheerleader of my newfound mobility and we celebrate our new life every day!
Ellie and I are thrilled to participate in Dogs For Dystonia to pay tribute to our faithful canine friends and the countless ways they enrich our worlds. We proudly join with the Dystonia Medical Research Foundation, fellow patients, friends, and their pets to celebrate our hope that one day we will indeed eradicate dystonia!
I encourage you to visit the Dogs For Dystonia website, where we’ve enlisted our “best friends” as fundraisers and share our heartfelt stories of how our pets have changed our lives:
Click here to visit the Dogs for Dystonia Website. Ellie invites you to join her by registering your dog: Dogs For Dystonia Virtual Walk
Ellie is committed to curing Dystonia! Click here to make a donation: Donate In Honor Of Ellie
Posted in Inspiration
Tagged DBS, Dog, Dystonia, Fundraising, Independently mobile, Medtronic DBS Therapy, Miniature schnauzer, Motherhood, Movement disorder, Neurological disorder, Optimism, Pets, Positive thinking, Puppy, Puppy love
Sir Isaac Newton, take note, my Dystonia has served as a vivid example of your 3rd Law of Motion gone haywire: For every [voluntary] action there’s an equal and opposite [involuntary] reaction.
Now that the involuntary kinetic forces generated by my voluntary movements have begun to magically disappear, walking is no longer a contact sport. I feel as if I’ve fallen down a wormhole and emerged into a parallel universe where Newtonian mechanics have drastically simplified. My alternate reality gives me pause as I adjust to my newfound freedom. Who knew walking is as easy as putting one foot in front of the other and telling your legs where to go? Destinations that formerly loomed as remote don’t seem quite so far away.
When I trudged around the city with my walker, I measured distance by the corresponding depletion in my energy and operated on a permanent power outage. Every ounce of my being directed an overwhelmingly focus to the technical details of getting from Point A to Point B…with little thought for my destination – and scant attention to the scenery along the way. Post DBS, my energy quotas have completely transformed. I make my way around my neighborhood with power to spare enjoying the local landscape. Think of me as a bee buzzing along on full throttle as I relish the “conserved” energy I previously expended on the mechanics of walking.
I’m not the only one benefitting from my newfound energy. My puppy is thrilled to have a new training partner. Now she’ll have to learn to keep up with me (lol)!
Posted in Life
Tagged Activa neurostimulator, DBS, DBS therapy, Deep brain stimulation, Dystonia, Gait, Hope, Independently mobile, Involuntary movement, Medtronic DBS Therapy, Mobility, Mount Sinai Beth Israel, Mount Sinai Hospital, Movement disorder, Neurological disorder, Neurosurgery, Optimism, Programming, Walking
With my walking in a state of disarray, I’m on the prowl for creative ways to count my blessings. My challenge is rather monumental. “Seek and you shall find” takes on a whole new meaning when it comes to discerning the silver lining in Dystonia.
I’ve discovered one “perk” traipsing the city streets with my puppy. Courtesy of the deterioration in my gait, our daily walks stand as true workouts, enabling me to indulge my sweet tooth without penalty. The collective force of my involuntary movements simulates a walk in a wind tunnel, leaving me breathless in the span of a few short blocks for a potent bout of cardio.
Convinced I’m burning calories with every laborious step, I entertain bizarre satisfaction struggling against my unruly muscles. In a nod to my inner obsessive-compulsive, I’m forever recalculating the territory I cover as I push forward to go the distance, awash in determination to ace at least one super-sized “power walk” each day. Another “perk” worthy of mention: nailing a generous swath of city blocks ensures I’ll be sleeping soundly that night.
I may count my victories in the slow lane but this sure beats counting calories!
One of my favorite children’s books is The Little Engine That Could. Now there’s a struggle that speaks to me. Sparkling blue, the little engine just wanted to surmount that hill embracing the power of positive thinking. While the story teaches the value of optimism and hard work, to me it’s all about the power of trying. The engine wouldn’t have made it anywhere if he didn’t determine to tackle that daunting hill.
You see, The Little Engine That Could started out as The Little Engine That Tried. “I think I can” goes to the heart of the trier. Although we don’t always beat the odds, we persevere in the face of them. Triers may not ascend the victory stand but always earn the “E” for effort. We never disdain second place or honorable mention, instead focusing on whom to thank for getting us there. Indeed, triers remember to enjoy the scenery along the way in case we miss our intended destination. Triers needn’t worry about leaving a trail of regrets lying in the dust.
Though Dystonia follows me more closely than my shadow, I’m ever the trier with my stumbles and falls. Often, it seems my life is more about trying than achieving, living without remorse my greater goal. Circumstance frequently requires us to take a deep breath and attack those towering hills. The beauty of the good old-fashioned try is how we accumulate strength from persistency of effort and find no failure in lack of success.
When in doubt, just give it a try…
Posted in Inspiration
Tagged Children's books, Dystonia, Hard work, Health, Little Engine That Could, Movement disorder, Obstacle, Optimism, Positive thinking, Train, Trier, Watty Piper