I’ve been rolling along – sans my walker – engaging in a post-DBS flex of my muscles as I pursue a Masters in Health Care Administration. My DBS apparatus has been humming right along with me: electrodes nestled all snug in my brain, wires in place, chest batteries juiced up, remote control safely tucked away from fiddling fingers. Regular “tune ups” have ensured my DBS settings are not too hot, not too cold…but just right.
Flash forward to present day NYC, the COVID 19 panic is running rampage through our nation, social distancing the new normal. Amidst this whirlwind overwhelming the health care system, I need a battery change…NOW? Even my neurosurgeon is “social distancing.” How does he insert two new batteries in my chest via the phone?
My long-time nemesis, “Useless Why,” beckons. Why me? Why Dystonia? Why now? “Useless Why” invites me on a dead-end journey of unanswerable questions about why this is happening to me…now. But then again, doesn’t that same temptation lure us all as we collectively face COVID-19, an unprecedented and daunting challenge. Useful questions about how to get ourselves out of our untenable situations are beneficial – and uplifting. Useless questioning – why me, why now – that threatens to lead us down a path of victimization serves no higher purpose.
Whenever life threatens to spiral out of control, it’s so easy to fall into the “Useless Why” black hole. Now more than ever, we must give a positive attitude a good faith try so we don’t get zapped by “Useless Why.” Blushing brides postponing their big day, graduating seniors who won’t be marching in May. Socialites trapped in their apartments alone, star-crossed lovers rendezvousing by phone. Dystonia patients in need of Botox injections biding their time, wondering how long it’ll be before they start to feel fine. As we struggle with panic, let those sleeping dogs lie. Let’s not become paralyzed by the specter of “Useless Why.”