Real Men Eat Quiche!

OK, perhaps a bit of backtracking is in order. When I was in 5th Grade, a group of ignorant boys mimicked my walking in a school hallway, changing this young girl’s life. From that moment, I began to embrace an irrational belief that my Dystonia was somehow distasteful to the opposite sex, reinforced over time by a paucity of male friends, dates and boyfriends. Naturally, I blamed Dystonia, the obvious scapegoat for anything that pushed my life outside the “normalcy” I craved.

17841732_s EditedFortunately, my seemingly reasonable but foolish presumptions were counterbalanced by an imaginary prince who whisked me away from Scarsdale on his white horse – or via white Corvette. In the plot line of this fairy tale, my gallant chivalrously brushed aside my health issues upon gazing into my eyes, a delightful fantasy that failed to procure me a social life.

Notwithstanding a medical lifetime sentence imposed at age 8-1/2, a troop of real world princes busted me out of my childhood prison, demonstrating that eating Quiche and sensitivity to Dystonia are a real man’s prerogatives. Now I take heart in guys who treasure books for the reading and understand a wealth of imperfections keeps life interesting.

I leant a heavy hand constructing the walls that held me captive. No matter our objective circumstance, we imprison ourselves in the subjective images we embrace. The key to living with – or without – disability is to espouse a “healthy” self-view and carry faith in life’s possibilities. I ever take heart my Cinderella ending lingers within arm’s reach.


22 responses to “Real Men Eat Quiche!

  1. I had an experience like this. I became a boy shy and afraid to relate to people because of dystonia. My colleagues laughed at my difficulty. Today, I overcame it.

    • Divanicio, Unfortunately, I’m sure many people with movement disorder and other disabilities can relate to this post. Occasionally we must deal with insensitive behavior and comments that can deeply affect us. We travel quite a journey to build up reserves of strength and self-confidence. It’s my hope that through the honesty and teachings of our blogs, people will learn to exercise greater compassion in their interactions and also teach their children the same. One person at a time, we can help to change the world. -Pamela-

  2. Sorry, I meant: a shy boy.

  3. Who would even want a shallow man? Someday your prince will come and he will be so intellectually stimulating! That is important. I married my husband when I was young and 18 years later I was diagnosed with dystonia.It was horrible and depressing and sex moved to the back burner for a long time. It could have ended our marriage but didn’t because we found each other too interesting and stimulating mentally! Yesterday I went to a parts store for him and the young beautiful girl behind the counter said, “Oh your Jim’s wife”. We started talking and she said, “Your eyes light up when you talk about him. How long have you been married?” 32 years I replied. “That’s so cute. You 2 still act like newlyweds!” she said. If only she knew! I told her thats what happens when you marry your best friend…Oh and P.S., He has a yellow Corvette! So hang in there girl!
    Love as always-Kari

    • Kari, Lovely to hear from you again. I must say your glowing recommendation of “true love” is a real treat! Like I wrote, some very wonderful men have shown me just how irrelevant my dystonia is when I’m in the right relationship…though that’s something I should have known all along! After too many years of self-doubt, I’m the one who needs to do the screening! Best to you and your husband, the two of you are lucky to have found each other. -Pamela-

  4. It’s sad our qualities don’t out shine our disabilities with people. I know there are some people who see beyond that and offer us unconditional love, thank God for them!!

    • Hello Tiffany, Thanks for visiting. With the right people, our qualities and character stand front and center. I try to enjoy those who see me for all that I have to offer and ignore the rest! Take care. -Pamela-

  5. Another fantastic post! And one which I think we can all relate to – no matter what our difficulties it can be really difficult to find someone to accept them, and see us for the person we are; the media’s fascination with beauty and what constitutes beauty hasn’t helped either. Even in friendships, I have been burned – being shunned and ostricised because of my condition and not being able to go into places with high ceilings, etc. But hopefully one day we will both meet our Prince and turn into Cinderella!

    • Rhiann, Always a pleasure to see you here. Perhaps we can find Princes who are brothers and then share the Ball (lol)! Acceptance – by ourselves and by others – is such a HUGE topic, I can’t relegate it to any one or even a few posts! This is where I’ve struggled the most ever since my Dystonia began at 8-1/2. The world can be unforgiving, kids can be cruel and sometimes people just don’t think before they speak (or stare). I believe that collectively, all our blogs can make an impact to change attitudes and build empathy. My mistake was allowing the behavior of a few stupid boys to have such a huge influence on my life even into adulthood…but you know what they say about the scars of childhood! Well, we live and we learn, carrying our lessons with us. I’m such a fan of My Brain Lesion And Me because you also write from your heart. Love Ya, -Pam-

  6. Any guy who is unable to see the real depth of a person beyond the disability is not worth the effort.

  7. Angela Harshbarger

    Children can be so mean. Hopefully those boy’s grew into caring adults, maybe not. I am glad you were able to see past their insensitivity though, and move on with your life. Some people are jerks no matter what. I know I got sick at 37, and it was difficult when people stared at me, not because I was cute, but because in their eyes I was damaged. Took me a while to get over that, but life rolls on.
    I love your blogs.

    • Hi Angela, You’re always so thoughtful with a comment. I also hope those boys grew into caring adults. As for your own experience, all I can say is that you are the farthest from “damaged” imaginable. Our bodies just behave a bit differently than others! In this day and age, people should be able to see beyond surface imperfections and if they can’t, that’s sad…they’re the ones who are missing out. Thank you for the kind words. I think you’re fabulous. -Pamela-

  8. Paula Schmeider

    Great post Pam! You always do an amazing job. Thank you so much.

    • Hey Paula, Thank you for being such a faithful reader. It’s my pleasure to share my stories for the greater cause of awareness. While I’m the first to admit it’s not always easy to approach our frustrations with humor, the effort is so important if we want to make the most out of our lives. -Pam-

  9. Hi Pam
    I loose track of your blog. Memory problems.
    I always enjoy reading them. As far as social anxiety goes I was ok with it until I had a big aggravation about 3 yrs ago.

    Being divorced after 26 yrs, was tough. Now I’m divorced 3 yrs. Breaking my ankle was a God send. I had to use gym equipt. for some weeks. Got me motivated to join gym. There are some machines I can’t use, they aggravate the dystonia. I fell yest. injured my left elbow. I have some balance problems.
    I’m very careful when I work out, this body hasn’t been called to exercise in a long time.

    I always wondered how singles with @dystonia got along. Now I know. Pepe

    • Hi Pepe, I’ve often wondered what it would like to be single without Dystonia, perhaps we should trade stories (lol)! Truly, it’s all about meeting the right person and finding that connection. Be careful in the gym. -Pam-

  10. Hi Pam good job on your blog. There will always be people who understand and people who never will. There just assume you can’t but they are wrong. Those are the ones that really loose out.

    • Hi Don, I agree with you completely. The key is not to let the careless words and actions of others impact how we view ourselves. That was a hard-earned lesson for me. Always thrilled to see you here. Thank you for supporting my blog, I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see you commenting regularly. -Pam-

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