May I Have A Glass Of Water?

I wish I could take you to the horror center in my brain when I speak: that voice can’t be me, perhaps I’ve been invaded by body snatchers using an intergalactic language. Bungee jumping holds greater appeal than articulating certain words! Case in point: I’m in a restaurant and notice my empty water glass, triggering anticipatory anxiety. If feeling venturesome, I ask for a glass of water but this harmless little phrase doesn’t glide off my tongue as pristinely as it appears in writing. The greater my effort, the more tongue-tied I become until I’m reduced to a single word “wa-ter” or pointing at my empty glass while attempting telepathic communication. Amid this flood of frustration, remaining parched emerges as an attractive alternative.

My verbal penalties often boot me into the land of chronic misunderstanding and compel adjustments in my oration. Oppressed from expressing my inner eloquence, I abdicate the richness and grandeur of the English language in favor of a vastly abridged dictionary that requires massive downgrades in my self-expectations. I’m all too aware of my listener’s level of understanding by facial expression. I read utter lack of comprehension accompanied by resolute refusal to ask me to repeat myself, resulting in a curiously one-sided conversation that ostensibly involves two people. Even proactively restating my words doesn’t always accomplish a meeting of the minds. Anyone care for a game of charades?

17 responses to “May I Have A Glass Of Water?

  1. Aleksandr Kamenomostskiy

     Comment: Relax, and speak in Russian!


  2. Well said, Muse……

  3. LOL I’m oppressed from expressing my inner eloquence too….more with each day that goes by…..this is the very FIRST time ever tho that I’ve had a good chuckle over it – THANKS! : )

  4. This is one reason I let others do the talking when we are out 😦 hugs hun x

  5. Whitney Harper Dey

    I love love love your outlook. Instead of being down you seem to have take your experiences and turned into stories people are interested in reading. iWell written. Very articulate. Bravo!!!

    • My speech is my biggest peeve, worse than my walking and handwriting because communication is EVERYTHING! But what can I do, my life is my life. Frankly, the only way to get through something like this is with laughter. I’m also looking to spread understanding and nobody wants to hear a sad story including me!

  6. WOW, what an insightful and eye-opening essay! I’ve learned more about your challenges in a half-dozen posts than I have in 25+ years of being your friend!

  7. Then I’m accomplishing my goal!

  8. For every trip of the tongue, you’ve gained a compensatory grace in the expression of the writtten word.

  9. Awe chickie! I don’t have the problem that you do but my neck stiffens and pulls to the side when I get the slightest nervous and then when folks notice, it just goes all out. lol. So I feel your pain because I’m sure you get the “looks”. Then they all look at you like your some crackhead on some kinda drugs and ya get judged right away. Its such a bummer! I am in agreement with Stephanie, you are very eloquent in your written expression and I enjoy your stories 🙂

  10. Unfortunately, we’re judged on aspects of our physical selves beyond our control. What I get is comments about being drunk when I’m stone sober!

  11. Well, you know, drunk people do look like they have dystonia…but why anyone would willingly afflict themselves like this is beyond me!

    • Su, If only I had $1 for every time I’ve been asked if I’m drunk! Between my speech and my gait, I guess impersonating a lush has become a bit of an occupational hazard (lol)! -Pamela-

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