A year ago today I pressed the publish button on my newly created, blissfully pink WordPress site, a simple motion that shook my very core with far greater velocity than Dystonia. I’d embraced a new self-view removing shame from my equation, embarking upon an exploration of alien territories within myself and new roadmaps to human understanding.
My blog marked the end of one odyssey and the beginning of another, perhaps even more transformative than the first. I set out with lofty goals – no less than unburdening my soul, sharing deeply felt insights and describing my strange disorder without it sounding like a virulent medical horror, starting with the post pinned to the top of this site. I ventured into foreign lands endlessly more foreboding than the manipulative villain lurking in my brain. I’ve tackled my deepest nightmares of how I might present to others, wildly misplaced self-phobias, misinformed perceptions of disability, even notions of sexuality.
In the span of a year, I’ve hurled myself into relationships I never could have imagined, discovering like-minded people who once manifested as unintelligible to me as Dystonia previously stood to many of you. Indeed, I’ve introduced some of my new friends on the pages of this site, individuals who’ve helped me see myself in a new light and shine like multiple suns on my brightly lit world. I stepped beyond the human threshold, which often paints a wholly uninformative picture, and with a lingering look found overwhelming commonality that speaks to our shared spirituality. Notwithstanding an abundance of horrid descriptives I’d love to banish from the dictionary, chronic illness and disability can be a curtain masking healthy and entirely “able” human souls.
As my own personal muse, I strive for optimism to guide my way. “Dystonia Muse” is as much a compilation of my finest aspirations and intentions – forever inspiring me to walk forward – as a hard and long-earned life lesson. Everyone has an internal muse, an ideal self we formulate through sweat, tears and tenderness and strive to hold, the person to whom we ever inch closer as we journey through our lives, the best of our hopes and desires, an amalgamation of our loftiest dreams fueling us to press onwards.
Venture beyond the surface differences that separate us, look inside yourself, brave your singular waters, seek profound truths, and you can begin your own personal expedition to discover the infinitely understandable human story and boundless reach of your heart.
Pamela Sloate – Decidedly “OUT” of the Dystonia closet!
Post Script: Here’s a warm thank you to new friends who’ve made a world of difference in my life: Marissa, Robyn, Rhiann, Peggy, Chris, Carrie, Lisa, Andrea, Rebecca, Shannan, Juliet, Patty, Jan, Denise, Allison, Sarah, Ed, Arthur, Divanicio, Lars, Franz, Robert, Gohei, Arash, Bruce, Pat B., Nick, Gary. I mustn’t forget Duncan and a handful of “Aussies” on Twitter – Jacinta, Tara, Francine, Jane, Ray, Archie, and Larry – who make “chirping” a delight!